Second Impressions
by chaserglow
Summary: After shooting Light, Matsuda finds that he's still in love with the young man, Kira or not. Ide, meanwhile, wants more than anything just to tell Matsuda how he feels. MatsudaxLight, IdexMatsuda. Ide-centric.


**Summary: **After shooting Light, Matsuda finds that he's still in love with the man, Kira or not. Ide, meanwhile, wants more than anything just to tell Matsuda how he feels, but how can he when he knows that Matsuda's heart belongs to someone else? Life was so much easier when Matsuda was just his stupid co-worker... OOC, probably, though I tried to make it not so.

**Disclaimer:** I don't, nor have I ever, owned Death Note.

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Very rarely are first impressions ever correct. In fact, they often times couldn't be farther from the truth, and there is no saying how long first impressions will last. Usually, it's only a moment (or sometimes maybe even a few days), but they can, however, sometimes last for months or years. Hideki Ide's first impression of Touta Matsuda was extremely mistaken, but it took him years to finally figure it out.

Ide's first impression was that he was obnoxious, unintelligent, and pushy. "You have not a single romantic bone in your body, do you, Ide-san?" Matsuda would ask, and Ide would merely grunt in response. Meddlesome was what he called that kind of behavior.

It wasn't until Matsuda pointed his gun at Kira and shot, saving all of their lives (and with tears falling from his eyes as he did so), that Ide realized how wrong his first impression was. Matsuda was not obnoxious, unintelligent, or pushy. He was optimistic, clever, and concerned. It was only because of this revelation that Ide was able to remain in contact with his co-worker for the years that followed.

In fact, on the anniversary of that one fateful day, Ide and Matsuda were good enough of acquaintances to be carpooling with one another.

"Matsuda," Ide was saying, "you're thinking about this too much. Actually…that's not even speculation."

"Not speculation…?" Matsuda responded, dully.

"It's your wish," Ide said, staring out the window, thinking, as Matsuda drove.

Matsuda glanced at him curiously, though he must have known what was coming. "Wish?"

"That's right, a wish," Ide replied, "Light may have been Kira, but…you were fond of Light, weren't you?" No matter how many times Matsuda had accused him of it, Ide was not blind in regards to love.

Matsuda avoided Ide's eyes, as well as the question, but Ide didn't need an answer to know. That was one of the reasons why he was so taken aback when Matsuda shot: Ide's first impression of Matsuda was that he always let his feelings get the better of him. But he proved Ide wrong and showed that he would do what he thought was right, no matter his personal cost. 'Righteous' had been added to Ide's unwritten list.

"My wish…" Matsuda finally said, as though the thought had just occurred to him, "Maybe you're right."

Ide sighed internally; a part of him wanted to tell Matsuda the truth, but he knew that he couldn't possibly while Matsuda was so obviously still smitten with Light. It had already been a year since the incident, but Ide would wait for as long as Matsuda needed. So he ignored his current desire and followed his colleague into the building.

Another year passed, and the two year anniversary rolled around. All of the former investigation team members – save Matsuda – rarely gave Kira a second thought anymore. But by this time, Matsuda had at least let go of his guilt.

On this day, Aizawa, Matsuda, Mogi, Ide, Yamamoto, and a few other policemen were enjoying a relaxing evening, as they had just solved a particularly difficult case the day before. Aizawa had even gotten cheap wine especially for the occasion. Only Matsuda and Ide seemed to remember what the significance was of this particular day, though for completely different reasons.

After taking a few sips of wine (never having been much of a drinker), Ide decided that now would be as good a time as any to tell Matsuda. After all, he realized that Matsuda may never completely get over Light, and if he waited any longer, it would probably be too late.

"Matsuda?" Ide said, putting his hand on Matsuda's shoulder.

"Yeah?" Matsuda, who had previously been deep in conversation with Yamamoto, turned around to face Ide.

"There's something I need to talk to you about," Ide said, suddenly nervous about what he was about to do.

"Okay," Matsuda replied curiously, probably wondering what he had done wrong. He set down his drink on the nearest table and followed Ide into the next room.

Matsuda wandered over to a desk to sit down while Ide paced.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Well…you see…" was Ide's brilliant response. He slowly realized that he should have planned this moment a bit better.

Matsuda finally sighed. "You're worried about me."

"What?" Ide look confusedly at Matsuda.

"That's what this is about it, isn't it?"

"No…that's not it at all…" Ide stuttered.

Matsuda shook his head. "Yes it is. You're worried that I'm still fixated with Light, aren't you?" he asked.

When Ide didn't respond, he continued, "Don't worry about me, okay, Ide? I'm fine."

Though Matsuda didn't seem to notice, Ide's face brightened considerably at that. "Really?" he said, stopping his pacing.

"Yeah," Matsuda said, "Wasn't it you, after all, who pointed out that Light would've killed us?" He smiled playfully. "I'd rather not have anything to do with my potential murder, dead or alive."

Ide gave Matsuda a small smile. Although he wasn't truly over Light's death (mainly because it had occurred at the very young age of seventeen), he was over Kira's.

Matsuda made to stand up. "Well…if that's all…"

It wasn't until Matsuda had reached the door that Ide found his voice. "Wait…that's not everything…"

"What?" There was concern in Matsuda's tone, probably because of Ide's anxious manner.

Ide took a deep breath, preparing himself. "Well…" he started, "Two years ago…right to the day…"

Matsuda waited patiently as Ide took another deep breath. "I seem to have developed…feelings…for you."

"What did you say?" Matsuda said it as though he thought that he had misheard.

"Feelings…of love…" Ide said, sounding as if he'd rather be dead than having this conversation, "Love type feelings. You know." He avoided Matsuda's eyes.

Matsuda stared at Ide like he wanted him to repeat it again.

"This is coming from Ide?" he finally said, "The same Ide who doesn't care about love or romance or passion?" He smiled teasingly, though something about his silly grin suggested nervousness.

Ide merely nodded, wishing that Matsuda wouldn't joke about this.

"I don't know what to say," Matsuda confessed after a few moments, his smile faltering.

Not exactly the reaction Ide had been hoping for. "It's fine," he said quickly, "Don't say anything. I shouldn't even have told you in the first place."

He swiftly threw open the door and left, leaving Matsuda alone to ponder his thoughts. And, despite his embarrassment, Ide was glad that he went through with it. Because now he knew.

A few months passed, and Ide had successfully managed to ignore the entire episode. The first couple of weeks had been difficult; Ide and Matsuda were awkward around each other and rarely – if ever – spoke to one another. But the more time went by, the easier it became to forget. Ide and Matsuda salvaged their comradeship of talking and carpooling by the third month. By the fifth month, the hurt was gone, even though the feelings were still there, buried beneath friendship.

During the sixth month, Matsuda asked to speak with Ide privately.

"Yes?" Ide asked as soon as the two men had entered the room (which, Ide realized with a sickening feeling, was the very same one that he had confessed to Matsuda in).

Matsuda blushed, looking practically giddy. "Well," he began, starting to walk past Ide and over to the desk.

But before he could say what was on his mind, Matsuda tripped over his untied shoelace. Attempting to regain balance, he grabbed onto Ide's upper arm, though, unfortunately, his footing was already lost. When Ide managed to keep his own balance, Matsuda fell into him. Their foreheads knocked together, and their lips met. It took Ide a moment to register what was happening, but when he did, he leapt back from Matsuda in discomfiture. This was so wrong.

But while a flustering Ide mumbled nonsense, Matsuda only smiled coyly. "That," he said, "was what I was going to tell you."

Ide stopped abruptly. "What?"

"You heard me." Matsuda's smile grew wider. Correction: this was so right.

Ide stared dumbfounded. "Really?" he finally asked, not daring to believe it just yet.

"Really," Matsuda said perkily, "I mean, yeah, at first you were just this guy I worked with who couldn't get a date to save his life. But, the more I thought about it, the more amazing and kind and wonderful you seemed."

Matsuda looked slightly embarrassed now, but Ide stepped forward for another kiss. "First impressions," he whispered, "can sometimes lead astray." And, as Ide put his lips on Matsuda's, Matsuda knew that he wasn't talking about him.


End file.
